His problem here was social position: he didn’t know who or what he was supposed to be. It was easy, before, shit man, they told you what to do and where to go and how to do it, for the most part: you had your parameters and that was it, you knew your shit, knew your role and place and function. You could build yourself on that. But now that wasn’t there anymore, and he knew, right that moment, he was floundering around because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do or even how to act anymore. He had to reinvent himself. He had a job, the part-time gig, but it was unimportant: he didn’t need a ‘job’, he needed work. He needed life work, and he was going to have to make a decision about what to do and how to fit back in after being in a totally different structure that didn’t apply out here, in The World. He couldn’t even view it as The World anymore, his world was elsewhere, and he had to readjust. It was like having to re-learn how to walk, or even re-learn how to breathe. He was. "Yes," she replied."Then I'm sorry."After Elizabeth had left and Janet had returned from thepharmacy with my prescription, I felt strong enough for Janetand I have to have a little talk about the future. Really we hadbeen putting things off, but now Elizabeth wanted to getinvolved, this seemed like a good moment to find out what eachof us wanted. I started by asking Janet, "do you want me to takethings further?"And I got a typical woman's response. She answered my questionwith another question. "Do you want to take things further?"Janet obviously wanted me to make the decision on my own andbeing in my weakened state with my illness, I was in no mind tostretch out the discussion any longer then I needed. So Iresponded very hesitantly with a yes."Good," she replied.This was not the reaction I was expecting. I thought reactionslike,"I thought we were happy the way we were?" or"Why change what we've got?"Once the decision was made, Janet admitted, for the first timeshe wanted me to go for.
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